Hobbes: Humans are filthy

Ack, ack, ack!

Hobbes the cat here. I found the following picture on the cell phone of the male human, and quite frankly, I am appalled. Disgusted. Male human said he was at "Tulip Fest" today. Female human says that "Tulips" are the beautiful flowers that grow in the front yard. I do not understand how festival humans turned the beautiful flowers into this pile of... I do not even know what. It looks like a dumpster came to life, drank itself into oblivion, and vomited all over the sidewalk. Disgusting.


That dumpster obviously came to life as a direct result of humans being filthy. If humans would just clean themselves more often, like cats do, this would not be a problem. Instead, humans rely on soap and shampoo and conditioner and a myriad of other products to substitute for their tongue. I try to keep the male and female human who live here clean, especially the female, but they keep getting dirty. Disgusting.

I am launching a full investigation into this so-called dumpster vomit; my full report will be presented for peer review in the August issue of Verontwaardigde Katten. I will also be presenting a paper on "The Filthiness of Humans and the Vomit Monsters That They Generate" at this years Convention du Chat, in Austria.

Oh well. I'm off to stare at the tulips in the front yard and try to figure out how they become vomit monsters. After that, I think I will scour the back yard for more of those hopping monsters from the night before last. I had them in my sights, but female human wouldn't unleash me from this unholy prison, that I might smite the despicable hopping monsters and reclaim my former glory. Perhaps then I could reclaim my position in the court of Queen Sheba III and not have to deal with stupid vomit monsters. Then I could enforce my will upon this land; filthiness amongst these humans would no longer be tolerated.

-hobbes out